Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dear Arabella


Dear Arabella,
Hi darling, it's your Mommy. It was a year ago that we met for the first time, eye to eye, skin to skin, your tears mingling with mine. It was true that I had known you for the nine months you were squirming in my belly, but truly our meeting on April 29, 2009 was a moment like none I have ever experienced before. You came into this world with a force, an urgency, and determination. You looked at me, your father, at the world around you and decided it was worth all those solitary months in the womb. You came out with sense of understanding and knowledge right from the start. Oh how your personality has changed and grown but ultimately stayed the same over this past year. My determined and aware newborn has simply grown into my fiery, curious, and strong willed toddler. You challenged me as a mother right from the first moments, never letting me rest, always moving forward, onward to the next thing. Even now I detest and at the same time adore how even in our quietest moments together before bed, in my arms, drinking your bottle, your eye lids will flutter closed and still your fingers are working, pulling at that little curl of hair behind your ear. If I gently hold your hand still your foot starts pounding up and down on the arm of the chair. My baby girl continually in motion. I savor those moments that I peak at you on your stomach with your arms under your belly, balled up in a sleeping fetal position. It is your only moment of silence, of stillness. Careful not to stare to long, knowing that you will sense my presence in your ever-working mind, I move on quietly so I don't interrupt your moment of peace.

As my second child you have changed me as a mother, calmed me and given me wisdom. You have given me a great gift of patience beyond anything I knew with your older sister. Patience I imagine would impress even the steadiest monk. Every moment of frustration and silent rage sprouted a little growth of patience and love that steadily grew and grew to overcome my earlier notions of how to care for you. In all that we have gone through you have given me a deeper sense of love. The bond that we share (that will not be quite the same with anyone else) is the outcome of all those long nights and over exaggerated sighs of desperation. All those murmurs of sweet lullabies and attempts to calm your over stimulated mind have given us an unconditional understanding and respect for one another. Me for your innately determine personality and you for my unfaltering attempts to make you happy and feel loved. In the past 12 months I have watched you grow from a frustrated yet beautiful infant desperately wanting to interact with all of us, to a smiling happy baby, and now a playful and wonderfully joyful toddler. With every milestone and gained freedom you become more content. It's as if you have a sense of your unmet potential buried deep within your mind. With every step you are still reaching; striving for the next.

I love you Arabella, with all my being. Thank you for showing me strength and patience. Thank you for giving me the chance to love another child so differently than my first. Thank you for expanding my heart to contain yet another little being to adore. You are my joy. Your smile lights up the room and warms my soul. You are not my baby any more but your own little wonderful person. I'm so lucky to be the one to spend this year with you and all the years to come as your Mother.

2 comments:

Emily Joy said...

Beautiful, Bella is so lucky to have a mom like you!

Terry said...

Tissue, Please.