must read

I come from a long line of women who have raised daughters. My Great Grandmother raised two daughters, my Grandmother raised four daughters, and my Mother raised three daughters. Now it's my turn and while it may be in my genes to have girls, I don't claim to know the ins and outs of raising girls or children at all for that matter (sometimes I feel like I know nothing at all).

Looking back, I'd have to say Motherhood was really the one thing I can recall claiming that I'd do as a grown-up. I wasn't the girl who knew I'd be a doctor or a lawyer. I didn't have a passion for politics or animals. But I always knew I'd be a Mom. (I'm still searching for that other passion). Here I am fulfilling that vision of myself. While Motherhood has come naturally to me, for the most part, I would like to learn as much as I can. Experts say much of our parenting style comes from how we were parented. Whether we aim to model what our Mothers and Fathers did or we push to do the opposite and strive to be unlike them; it's still an extension of how we were raised. So I'll take some of what was given to me by my parents and I'll also do somethings my own way. My husband's upbringing obviously plays a big role in how we parent as well.

I guess I'm humble enough to say I don't know everything and want to learn more. I want to be the best Mother to my girls that I can be. That's why I picked up a stack of books about raising daughters while I was home in the States. My husband thinks I'm silly for not bringing home fiction. He says I'm a good Mom and that I don't need parenting books. My sister says that just by having such a passion to be a good Mom, I will be because I'll never get complacent. Maybe so, maybe they are both right. But with only one shot at raising my daughters, I'm not leaving anything up to chance, or genetics.

Girls will be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak, PH.D, is a stand out book that I could not put down for the past five days. At many points I was taken back to my adolescence while reading (good and bad). The seemingly insurmountable issues that young girls face coupled with the delicate balancing act parents often have to manage to stay connected to their daughters had a dizzying effect on me. I loved everything about this book; from reading the girls perspective to the need for an ever changing parenting strategy based on your individual daughter personality and developmental stage.

I really recommend this book to all parents of daughters and all teachers! As a principal and school physiologist Dr. Deak inserts her decades of experience working at schools and with girls. What an amazing wealth of knowledge she brings to this book.

My favorite passage is in the chapter about mothers and daughters. She sums up the chapter with a very poignant message that struck a cord for me about being a role model for my daughters.

Mothers agonize so much in their daily decision-making mode-"Should I let her go to the mall alone?" "How much should I bug her about her homework?" These are important questions, but in terms of lifelong impact on you daughter, the more important issues that deserve your time and consideration are thoughts about your behavior, your words, your personal decisions, and your values. These are the mirror of your being, where your daughter will, in different ways through the years, discover herself.

My daughters are still young. I'm sure I will be flipping through this book periodically as they grow to refresh my memory about asking questions, listening to their perspective, letting them work through their own problems, interjecting when a family value is at stake, keeping connected and staying close especially when they are pushing family away and always keeping the conversation going. And above all else, never, ever, letting silence replace the dialogue between mother and daughter.

I'm sure it's going to be a bumpy and winding road with plenty of rough patches but hopefully my girls and I will be able to work together to pave their path in life. I know we can.