what I see

I took a few photos from the passenger seat in our Jeep as Garry and I drove to get Addie from school this morning. Just a few images of Manila.

Traffic-part of life in Metro Manila

Here is an example of the little food vendors that are all over the place in the city. They sit on the side of the road and cook local food. The locals eat at these for any of their meals. It's super cheap. Probably fifty cents for a meal. They just stand around the edge eating on the counter like the guy in the orange shirt. In front of the guy eat is another dude (shirtless as they often are) grilling meat on his grill on the side of the road, probably for the little store.

The motorized tricycle guys waiting for someone who needs a ride. Some trikes are motorized like these and others are just bicycles with the side car. I feel bad for the drivers when they are peddling a really big person who doesn't want to walk. Trikes are a super cheap way for locals to travel short distances in the city. Also the way Cora's youngest sister died just recently. She received a head trauma after the trike driver took a turn too fast and she fell off. We don't ride these.This is a residential home that doubles as a business on a neighborhood street. My dressmaker is right across the street so we drive by all the time. Dogs are outdoor pets for Filipinos. We often see dogs in outdoor crates like these. I always wonder why these folks sport the Pizza Hut banner. They are probably getting paid to hang it.

Shhh! The sign means "prostitutes here"
Jeepneys and KFC, wouldn't be Manila without either of these things. Sadly the Wendy's in SE Asia doesn't serve frosties; therefore it is useless to me.

Mama guilt

I'm finding that so much of being a good Mama comes with loads of guilt; and I'm the only one making myself feel guilty. I've had a hard time lately grappling with the idea that I have nothing but my own self assessment on whether I'm doing this Mom thing right. Sure, everyone reassures me I'm a good Mom but seriously, I'm not their Mom. I'm Mom to the two little blondies I just tucked into bed (with mixed feelings of love and relief). Addie and Bella don't get to do quarterly assessments on my performance as their Mom and I never get constructive criticism from them accept when Addie yells "No" as I tell her she needs to leave the lolly pop in the bowl until after she's eaten her dinner. Being a stay at home Mom is my full time job and lately I've been thinking about what would have been totally unacceptable at my office job with Booz Allen Hamilton is quite normal in the current position I'm in. Suddenly I'm re-thinking whether I'm giving it 110% as a Mom. In my old job I used to constantly look for new ways to do things, kept my skills fresh, streamlined my daily tasks so I could do work above and beyond what was asked of me. Why can't I do that as a Mom too? Instead I find myself getting stuck in ruts of plugging in a video after nap time or feeding Addie the same grilled cheese for lunch. I will often daydream about the novel I'm currently reading and how I can't wait to get the girls to bed so I can escape to that world before I sleep myself. Assessing that behavior from my old work perspective makes me look like I'm not striving for excellence.

That being said, if I were to complete a performance assessment for myself over the past year I'd probably be making the case that I deserved a promotion (since giving birth a second time and doubling my overall workload with a demanding not-so-easy baby to boot). Sadly, there are no promotions for motherhood and I'm ok with that. Watching my girls develop day to day is reward enough. For my own piece of mind and so I don't feel quite so guilty all the time I'm going to try to stay on my A game more often. I know it's ok to have a bad Mom day here and there but I owe it to my girls to be the best I can be the majority of the time.

I've instituted no TV watching during the weekdays since Justin left. Addie's much more manageable when getting ready for school. TV just seems to put the laze in her. Instead she can read books on the couch in the morning. I don't think she even misses the cartoons. No more junk for snacks! Today Addie and I made homemade cheesy chickpea crackers with whole wheat and flax. They taste so yummy and we had so much fun making them together! Bella helped too. I know being a good Mom isn't just about the things I do or the rules I enforce. I know it's about much more than keeping my girls clothed and fed. It's really about love and relationships and teaching and building a family. I'm doing those things as best I can too. For now I'm keeping the Mama guilt away by throwing in a few new things here and there. It's all worth it when Addie says "I love you Mommy... -indecipherable mumble jumble-...my heart" which is her two year old version of "I love you with all my heart".

Angels

As if the girls knew I needed a good day, they were both angels all day long. Justin left early this morning for his week on the East coast. I have been dreading him going because my days are generally exhausting when he is here and hellish when he is not. Amazingly both Addie and Bella were sweethearts for me. We had a great day playing and snuggling. Bella is really starting to get the whole "sleep during the night" thing since we've been letting her cry to sleep. Tonight she didn't really even cry, it was more of a cooing/singing fussy cry until she went to sleep 10 minutes later. I was the one crying tonight: tears of joy. I'm not going to saying anything more on that topic with the fear I might jinx it for us. I'm off to bed early (its 8:45pm) tonight. When my hubby isn't here there is no one to laugh with so I might as well just sleep.

Tropical Storm Ondo (Ketsana)

On September 26, 2009 (this past Saturday) the Philippines was hit with the worst flooding it's seen caused by tropical storm Ondoy. This was a stage 1 storm but the rain just didn't stop. Our neighbors took some pictures of the flooding at our building. These pictures were taken at about 10AM that day. It looks like it might as well be midnight. Luckily we weathered the storm in our generator powered high rise condo. I baked, Addie watched movies, Justin prepared for the Hokie game, Bella stayed on her nap schedule. This is not what the majority of Filipinos were experiencing that day. While Makati was hit with flood levels it's probably never experienced before many of the residents in our posh neighborhood were protected by their high rises or other barriers. Single family homes were flooded and are seeing damage but Eastern Luzon was hit much harder. Images of the storm can be found here. The country is still recovering. Power was out for days. The Embassy was closed due to power outages so Justin had an unexpected long weekend. The Philippine Star is still reporting the damages. Right now the death/missing count is 106. A state of emergency has been declared and many efforts to restore food and clean water to displaced families are underway. Suddenly the box of clothes my folks sent for the girls will be finding new homes on the backs of cold, wet, and sick Filipino children. I still can't wrap my head around how lucky we are. Even better news is that Cora and Garry (our driver) and their families are safe and still have their homes and personal belongings.

Wiggly

We have had quite a scare with our Addie Boo this past week. Last Monday she came down with a fever and complained of a headache before lunch. She ended up taking a nap then passing out again on the couch for a few hours complaining of aches and pains, just moaning and groaning. I've never seen her like that. We prepared for the flu. That evening when she woke up the fever had broke and she asked for some "mac n cheese". Amazingly we bypassed the flu but over the next few days we started noticing her balance was off. She gradually got so dizzy and wobbly she couldn't walk well in the morning and after nap. She asked to be carried, grabbed on to the wall for balance, and swayed back and fourth when she was sitting, often catching herself off balance. She was irritable and tired much of the day. As you can imagine we were very worried. Three doctors appointments later (no ear infection) including one with a pediatric neurologist (who dropped the words "brain tumor" on us) we didn't have a diagnosis but a few ideas, and were told to observe her over the weekend. This past weekend Addie's balance improved. She only complains of being wiggly here and there. This evening she was running and dancing and walking in her dress-up high heels (great sign since those things would stump the Philippines' own Imelda Marcos). Our follow up with the neurologist on Monday gave us good news that she wouldn't need an MRI since she was improving. Most likely what she was experiencing was cerebellitis. This is a post-viral inflammation of the cerebellum. It's fairly common is children under 3. Most common after the chicken pox virus (not what Addie had). There is no treatment because the inflammation goes away within a few weeks (luckily in our case it's dissipating quickly). There are no long term effects. We were very nervous parents, it was hard to describe to the doctors that what we were seeing in her was a wobbly gait. They saw a two year old walking a bit clumsily. With some persistence we saw the right doctor and are very pleased to see our baby girl improving. On Monday when she was asleep with the fever I was in tears about the impending flu in our home and the possibility of Bella contracting the nasty virus. We looked at our sweet girl on the couch and commented to each other that we hated seeing her sick, even with a fever, and we hoped to God we would never have to experience anything worse than the common childhood illnesses with either of our girls. Neither of us knew at that moment that the words "cerebellatis and brain tumor" would be apart of our vocab in a few days time. Thankfully our prayers have been answered and she's back to her cheerful, silly, active self.

Addie after the fever broke on Monday evening with her "mac n cheese". Still smiling.

Addie today with her pink smoothie.

Daddy convert

Much of what has been going on here in Manila over the past few days has been no laughing matter (more on that the next few posts). Arabella doesn't know that though. This little jelly bean is a total Daddy convert. She is IN LOVE with her Dad. She has such an adorable deep belly chuckle when she gets going.

Been awhile

Go Hokies!I have been pretty busy with the girls lately. I can't seem to get past that newborn disorientation that consumes Moms when a new baby is born. Here we are almost 5 months later and Bella is still kicking my butt. She's extremely inquisitive and perceptive and smart. She communicates to us as if she was 16 months old. It's amazing! She is so happy and cheerful when she is well rested. Getting her rested is a challenge. It takes much of my daily energy to make sure she gets enough naps at the right times so she doesn't get overtired. She's on the verge of being overtired at all times. It's a fine balance. Plus I feel tethered to the house as well. I'm looking forward getting away from Manila for a weekend as soon as I feel up for the travel with our new family of four.

Ready for the pool last Sunday.

I can't get over this elf-ish grin Bella has on her face. Too cute.